Return to the Kingdom of Thailand

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If you remember at the end of my last post, I had just made my way to the Thai side of immigration.

I was sweaty, hot, and hungover so I didn't really want to talk to anyone. The line to get into Thailand was long, and took about 45 minutes. About halfway through, the girl behind me says something about my bag. She appeared to be traveling with a couple other people. Turns out she was from Florida and was traveling for nearly a whole year in between high school and college.

As we finally pass through immigration, we're waiting for our van to take us to Bangkok. From there, if everything ran on time (it never does) I'd be able to catch the 7:30PM night train from Bangkok to Chiang Mai. Having left Siem Reap  at 8am, I was supposed to get to Bangkok at 5 PM, but we were already behind schedule.

It was important to me that I get to Chiang Mai by this night train because my friend Por swore to me that it was part of the Chiang Mai experience. She was right, turns out.

On the van to Bangkok, the girl from Florida (Alex) and I get to talking about our travel plans. As it turns out, she was traveling with another girl (that was snoring next to me) for the next few weeks. However, apparently the sleeping girl we not the nicest human alive, so when I said:
"If she sucks, ditch her and go to Chiang Mai, I'm gonna go on a 3 day hike, that's much more fun"

She said she couldn't ditch her friend.

A few hours later, the van makes it to Bangkok and drops us off on Khao San road, where I spent my first 3 nights n Bangkok.
It was 7PM, and because of the protesters being outraged due to the election a few days before, traffic was nuts.

As I try to hail down a cab, I ask Alex if she's sure about her decision to be miserable instead of having fun in Chiang Mai.
"I completely understand" I say jokingly, "sometimes I like to force myself to be completely unhappy as well"

Her friend is now standing in the middle of the street yelling:
"WE HAVE TO CHECK IN NOW. THEN WE HAVE TO DO THIS..."

So Alex jumps in my cab, along with two other dudes we met on the van, and I direct the driver to the train station.

On the way there, the two guys have a change of heart and decide against going to Chiang Mai spur of the moment.

Alex is still game and as I walk up to the ticket booth at 7:27PM, we had 3 minutes to spare before the train departed.

The second I get on this train, I am transported to imagination land. I swear I felt as if I was on the Hogwarts express in the land of Harry Potter.

The train has private compartments, seats that fold up into beds, little ladders to get to the top bunk, and a restaurant train the blasts bad music and serves beer.

Our beds were at opposite ends of the train, so by the time I had settled in, Alex had made friends with a middle-aged Chinese tourist from Beijing (Zona). We all got dinner and then headed back to our seats/beds.

When I got back to my seat, a train attendant was walking around with fresh, clean sheets, blankets and pillows, and transforming every seat into a full sized bed.

I crawl up into my top bunk, pull my curtain closed, and realized I hadn't brushed my teeth. So I wave my wand and whisper accio toothbrush and it comes flying out of my bag. I consult my map of Chiang Mai to locate the hotel I'd be staying at in the morning. Satisfied with my perfectly timed hectic day, I tap my wand on the map and murmur mischief managed, and snooze off to a magical sleep.

Chiang Mai

Fourteen hours later, the train pulls into Chiang Mai around 9:30am. As the sun rises, the train comes back to life and I was treated to superb views of the mountainous forest as I had a cappuccino. Oh yeah, vacation Paul drinks fancy coffee and sticks his pinky out (Hi Neil).

Zona, Alex and I hop into the hotel shuttle. Zona was only there one night, but I wanted to do the 3 day trek through the mountains and jungles. The hotel offered such a trip and it included 4 nights accommodation (2 in the hotel and 2 in the jungle), breakfast/lunch/dinner for the three day trek, waterfall swimming, elephant riding and bamboo rafting. All of this for less than $90.

The 3 of us grab lunch, and I see a brochure for bungee jumping.
"Would you guys ever go bungee jumping?" I ask.
They both said they'd consider it.
"OK, well then let's all go. Right now."

So that's how we ended up at a certified bungee place run by a new Zealand company. I usually try to haggle on all of the prices in southeast Asia because, like Mexico, that's how life works here. But when I got to the counter and there was a sign the said "We don't negotiate on safety, so don't negotiate on price", I thought that was very fair.

I had never gone bungee jumping before and am scared of heights sometimes. Like if I'm at the top of a ladder, or if I climb a tree too high. But bungee jumping, for some reason, didn't make me nervous. I thought it would, but it wasn't until I was standing 160ft in the air with my toes dangling into the void, that the nerves kicked in.

The girls had volunteered me to go first, which I wanted to anyways. I didn't want to see a couple of people go before me, see them freak out and scream the whole way down. Then I would have second guessed myself.

First they weighed me. Then they sat me down and wrapped the super tight ankle braces on the bottom of my legs. Hopping all the way to the crane elevator, I sat down while the operator on the elevator with me, went through the safety check.

We go up to the very top, 50 meters. He hooks up the bungee cord to my feet, and tosses the rest of it off the side. He then gives me instructions. I am to stand up, scoot to the edge of the crane, hold on to the rails, stand with my toes dangling off the edge, look straight ahead, let go of the railing, extend my arms out to my sides like a flying Jesus, and FALL (not JUMP) face forward.

Okay. Okay. The nerves showed up as soon as I stood up from my bench. I had a very ironic thought at that moment.
When I stood up, I felt the weight of the rope that was pulling me off the edge and into the void.
Before I could grasp the railing my brain yelled, "HOLY SHIT I'M GONNA FALL!!!"
I then grasped the rail and nervously laughed, because, obviously I'm going to fall, that's the entire point of this activity.

Over the years, I had learned something about myself jumping off of the cliffs at Alcova. I loved the sensation of free falling, but if once I got to the top of the cliff I looked down, then by brain tends to freeze my body while my mind races. Therefore, at the lake, I just jump without looking or thinking. So that's what I did here.

The bungee dude tells me it's now time to let go of the railing and met myself fall forward. So I did just that.

The feeling is amazing. For the fall down, it was a mixture of apprehension, adrenaline, and AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Except I didn't scream or say anything, in fact once I was done, the girls thought it was weird that no sound escaped my lips.

The thing that made bungee jumping more enjoyable for me than skydiving, was the bounce up. To be fair, I didn't skydive under the best conditions (completely hammered in Vegas), but that's a story for another time.

During the bounce up, I actually felt like I was flying. Gravity pulling me down, yet I'm shooting up. Just amazing. I remember being purposefully quiet because I was just soaking it all in and enjoying the free-fall and flight.

Also I didn't want to scare the girls going after me, but it turns out they were already terrified anyways.

The only bad part of bungee jumping is after you're done with all the bounces. At that point, I dangled head first, blood rushing to it, for 30 seconds before I was pulled to earth.

Alex went next. Same pre-jump ritual as me. But when she got to the top and it was time for her to jump, she froze. She asked the guy to push her. So he did, but that means she fell feet first instead of head first, screaming the whole way down.

When it came to be Zona's turn, the same thing happened as with Alex. She was pushed off feet first. The noises that erupted from her mouth were hysterical. From the moment she was pushed, to the moment she reached solid ground, she was screaming. But not a normal scream, a mixture of death-curling screams and sex noises. I couldn't stop laughing.

We all did it and were rather proud of ourselves. Then Zona bought us ice cream thanking us, because she said she would never have done anything like this alone.

I want to bungee jump in New Zealand where it's more than 2.5 times as high.

We all had dinner together and I quizzed Zona on Chinese life. That country is so interesting to me. Her stories matched those of other Chinese citizens I had spoken with. The government censors nearly everything in their life. When I asked her what she knew about the Tienanmen Square massacre of 1989 where thousands of Chinese citizens were mowed down by the army, she had no idea what I was talking about. So then I showed her the famous picture of the man holding a bag in front of a tank. Nope, hadn't seen that either.
She told me that North Korea is, what China used to be. The main difference being that now a select few, educated and wealthy Chinese citizens can leave to visit other countries.

The Trek

The following morning 10 tourists and 2 guides set off from the hotel to go on a 3 day, 2 night trek.

The landscape is lush, green and the land is fertile. All throughout the mountain, there are endless stretches of rice paddies. The mountains are filled with tiny villages that, for the most part, still live the same way as their ancestors have for the last few hundred years. Sure now they have iPods, canned beer and flashlights, but that's why I said "for the most part."

The first day, we hiked a few hours before reaching the waterfall. Before this, we stopped for lunch where our tour guide gave us fried rice wrapped in a palm tree leaf. That way, everything is biodegradable.

Oh yeah, before I forget, our hotel back in Chiang Mai still had Christmas decorations up....they literally took the Christ out of Christmas.

We had two guides. JayJay and Doe Doe. Jay Jay was the actual tour guide, and Doe Doe was a "guide in training." Actually he was a machete wielding maniac, but I'll get to that later.

Doe Doe was very professional, courteous and full of knowledge about the local people, their customs, and the wildlife.
Jay Jay was always playing pranks, joking and showing us cool nature tricks (like blowing bubbles with the stem of a particular plant).

We spent an hour or so swimming in the ice cold waterfall. Mostly we played out by the edge of the water, but it was a really nice, refreshing dip.

After another couple hours of hiking, we made it to our home for the night. It was just some old villager lady's home. Very simple. There were 6 or 7 huts, a fire pit, a picnic table, an outhouse, and a shower.

The shower was actually just a PVC pipe they stuck in the river.

Doe Doe didn't speak very good English, but kept saying he was "Small, but Spicy."
Then he yelled "KARATE KID" and I managed to snap a picture of him at that exact time.

The places we stayed were miniature farms. They all had chickens, pigs, cats, dogs and huge water buffalo. They all lived happily side by side. By which, I of course mean they were all terrified of the hand that fed them. All animals in southeast Asia are just that, animals. So they get kicked or hit with sticks or rocks on a regular basis. I call it "pre-tenderizing." Eventually, they all end up in the green curry they fed us, claiming it was chicken or pork.

That night, we all sat by the campfire, listening to music and teaching the guides how to shotgun beers. Then Doe Doe busted out some Thai whiskey and was running around everywhere like a rabid monkey.

The next day, I'm pretty sure I had some sort of food poisoning because I felt as if I had a fever all day, and couldn't really keep anything down.

But I did learn how they de-shelled rice. They put the rice grains in a wooden bucket and with a contraption, they smash the rice. The locals were kind enough to let me do it for them for free.

We hiked for most of the day before getting to our new camp, a similar set up as the last one. Except this time there was no pretense of having a PVC pipe in the river as a shower. We all just showered in the actual freezing river.

The locals must think we're absolutely insane. We pay $90 to live in poverty, like they do, for 3 days. I guess eventually, we run out of things we spend our cash on.
If you agreed with that last sentence, know that it was a test, and you failed. There is always something else to spend cash on: IE a jetpack.

That night, we were all pretty tired from the night before and the day of trekking, so we were not looking to party like the night before. Jay Jay understood that, but Doe Doe didn't get the memo. The small but spicy man, came out of his hut, obviously high on something (he was talking about opium a lot so my bet is on that) and started pounding back brewskis. He insisted we play some sort of puzzle game that he invented with little bamboo sticks. I stuck around for an hour or so, but then called it a night quite early because I was still feeling sick.

Here's what happened after I left the campfire.

One of the guys in our group, a cool Canadian wildman, was playing Doe Doe‘s game just like everyone else. After a while, no one wanted to play anymore. Since Doe Doe was always joking around, we all joked around with him as well.

So the Canadian jokingly says, "we don't wanna play your stupid game anymore Doe Doe."

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say.
While half the group doesn't even notice, the other half sees him storm off in anger.
He shuts himself up in his hut. When he returns, he's angrily wielding a machete.
He goes up to the Canadian and pushes him repeatedly with one hand, while threatening him with the machete, holding it above his head, ready to strike.
Jay Jay runs over to Doe Doe, restraining him and wrestling the machete out of his hand. They yell at each other in Thai, then Jay Jay sends Doe Doe off to bed.

The next morning, Doe Doe was nowhere to be seen, and Jay Jay kept apologizing.

And I missed it all.

On the last day of the trek, elephant riding and bamboo rafting was on the agenda.

I didn't know what to expect from riding elephants. But I didn't like it. Just like I don't like animal circus's or zoo's.
These elephants, are huge and amazing creatures, but they are beaten into submission. The elephant "driver" that sits on the elephants neck while you ride on his back is constantly threatening the beast with a steel knife. Most of the time, the mere sight and sound of unsheathing the blade is enough to make the elephants comply and obey orders. When it isn't, the get hit with it. When that still isn't enough, they pull down on the hook inside the elephants ear.

To top it all off, during out 20 minute ride, someone in the nearby forest fired a gun. This spooked all of the elephants (except the one I was on). The other beasts went absolutely bananas. The started stomping their feet and spinning around in circles. They were roaring (or whatever noise elephants make) terrifyingly and slamming their trunks on the dirt. The couple on the back of the crazy elephant was terrorized and petrified with fear. I don't blame them. You don't realize how big and powerful these things are until they go crazy while you're on the back of one.

I fed our elephant many bananas and sugar cane, that was fun.

On the other hand, bamboo rafting was awesome!
There were 4 people per raft, and as we went down the river, we would try to throw the other raft off balance, making its passengers fall in the river.

There was a raft filled with Chinese tourists who started screaming bloody murder when we tried to tip them over.

Then we got on a truck that took us back to town. We were wondering what was taking so long for us to leave, since the truck was clearly already here waiting for us...that's because the driver was taking a cat nap. I found him.

Getting back to the hotel, I was supposed to spend one more night in Chiang Mai before taking the day train to Bangkok the next morning. From there, I'd spend the night in Bangkok and then take the night train from Bangkok to Surat Thani, before finally taking a boat from there to Koh Phagnan (island of the full moon party). Alex was also going to the full moon party, so we had planned to make the journey there together.

That all seemed like a huge waste of time to me. Plus I didn't want to spend another night in Bangkok, especially since Jabo and I will be going back there before flying to Bali.

So again, spur of the moment, I left my new group of friends and bought a last minute night train from Chiang Mai back to Bangkok.
Once more, I found myself aboard the Hogwarts Express.

When I arrived to Bangkok that following morning, I had planned to simply change trains at the station, and keep going to Surat Thani.
I get off the train and look around.

I don't recognize the train station.
I'd never been to this one before.

I quickly realize that I got off at the wrong stop and that instead of the train station, I had gotten off at the airport...on the complete other side of Bangkok!

I could have easily turned around and ran back towards the train to get back on. But I didn't feel like it.
So I thought "F#$% it, I'll just go with the flow."

Then I did something I've never done before.
I walked into the airport, went up to an airline counter, and asked if they had any flights to Surat Thani.

"We have one that leaves in 1 hour, for $92." She replied.

And just like that, my ping pong playing days were over.