Staying with my Thai friend Por
I've been listening to imagine dragons a lot, as well as a great song by Of Monsters and Men called "dirty paws".
After having slept 3 hours and going out all night, I was supposed to meet my friend Por at 4.
I got breakfast with the 2 German girls, said goodbye to them, and wished them luck getting to the southern islands of Thailand.
When I told people I would be traveling alone, I got many looks as if I was crazy. Friends even asked me if I was worried about being lonely. Truth is, I wasn't worried. I assumed I would just make friends wherever I went. "Single serving friends" I would call them in my mind, after a scene from the movie Fight Club. I would tell you more about Fight Club, but there are rules...
Yesterday in Koh Rong, Cambodia I met a cool dude from Denmark who was on holiday with Denmark's "vacation money" system. He started talking about how he had just stayed in one place for three weeks in order to make meaningful friendships.
"Instead of just single serving friends" I replied.
We then looked at each other, yelled "FIGHT CLUB!", and high fived.
Live is easy when you're traveling.
What I'm trying to say is that I meet amazingly awesome people just about every day. Then we become Facebook friends and never see each other again.
Editor's note: I'm writing this on a bus from Koh Kong to Sihanoukville that was scheduled to leave at 8:30am. The second the time changed from, 8:29 to 8:30, the driver honked his horn twice, and took off. See, just because you don't live in a first world country doesn't mean shit can't run on time. I'm talking to you, Mexico.
Bus stop in Cambodia.
Where was I . . . I ended up meeting Por at a bus stop in far northeast Bangkok. Since I had only met here once, for a few days, 10 years ago, I was worried I wouldn't recognize her. I told her she would easily be able to recognize me, as I was wearing my bright yellow Wyoming shirt and was probably going to be the only westerner at the bus stop.
SPOILER ALERT: she easily found me.
As I'm looking out my bus's window, the Cambodian landscape is lush, beautiful hills with streams cutting everywhere. It makes me want to get out and go exploring. I remind myself that Cambodia is the country with the most unexploded landmines, and I calmly slump back down in my seat.
Por happens to be a badass rock climber, and she took me to her local climbing wall in a shopping mall. There I got to witness her Spiderman-like abilities, while I served as her belayer on the ground. Being immensely afraid of heights, but still more afraid of being considered a p#$$y, I climbed to the top of the 33 foot structure twice. Then, having proven myself as A MANLY MAN to all of the Bangkokian climbing gods, I belayed the rest of the time while talking with an American who used to be an Army Ranger.
"I WANNA BE AN AIRBORNE RANGER" screamed the kid from the Breakfast Club as he ran down the halls banging on all the lockers.
Por then took me to a super local Thai restaurant for dinner, where we caught each other up on the last 10 years of our lives. She told me all about her acting career and how she is a published author, while I lied to her and said I had just gotten layed off from a Petroleum engineering job by an oil and gas company. I couldn't tell her I was actually a spy for the CIA with a mission to infiltrate the Thai government. Por if you're reading this, I only lied to protect you.
Por's mom had set up a mattress for me in the downstairs office, and this is where I slept for the next 3 nights, it was perfect. Her mother and father were very welcoming and had me try many of their local food. Por and her mom also answered many of my questions on their culture/religion and King.
Fun Cultural fact: All throughout Thailand, you see these little model homes that look like they are built for action figures to live inside. They are outside of every home, and most businesses. There are little golden statues inside them of Buddha or various animals. There is always a plate of rice or noodles, and bottles of Red Fanta with straws in it. I simply figured it was another one of Buddhists prayer shrines. However, they are called "spirit houses" and I got the full explanation from Por. The story goes something like this: a long time ago, a wife and husband had a baby. Immediately upon giving birth, the father took his newborn baby, and killed it. He then put the baby's soul/spirit in a bottle. They raised the kid, as a spirit, so that the child could run errands that living mortals could not. The kid's favorite drink was red juice for some reason, so to this day, Buddhists keep a spirit house stocked with food and drink for the wandering spirits of this world.
BREAKING NEWS!! Our bus just broke down on the side of the road. They are saying something in the motor broke. We're trying to make it to the next town over so we can either get it fixed or wait for another bus. I can't tell if it's actually broken or if they are trying to get some cash from us. MO' MONEY MO' PROBLEMS, right?
Update: another bus picked us up about 1.5 hours later, no cash spent. The first bus really was broken.
I hung out with Por and her mother for most of the first day. Their front yard had large pots with lotus flowers and Lilly pads. It's pretty cool, the flowers bloom in the morning, and completely close at night.
Our bus just stopped again. 11am. The driver turns on the bus TV and plays a music video of sorts...it's depressingly whiny music. The lyrics are shown at the bottom. All the Cambodians start singing along...Maybe it's a religious thing? Or maybe it's an anthem to their King, like before any Thai show? Maybe I'll figure it out later.
That night, Por took me to her favorite massage parlor; it was even cheaper than the first one I got. She then showed me a street called "Soicowboy", which was created for the American GIs during the Vietnam war. You see, soldiers would come to Bangkok for R&R (rest and recovery) so the local Thais took advantage of these "tourists" and created an American street. And what's more American than cowboys?!
This street is just bar after bar after bar. And by bar, I mean Bangkok bar. Which is a bar. And a strip club. And a whore house. "Bar girls" are everywhere. A bar girl is a young sexy Thai woman, employed by the bar. Their job description is, "keep the customer in the bar, buying drinks, by any means necessary." They will jump up on your lap, tell you how strong and handsome you are, they laugh at everything a customer says. They push for you to buy them drinks, because they make 50% of everything you buy for them.
There is one bar where all of the bar girls are dressed as Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. I'm sure this is the only place on earth where Jerry Jones doesn't get a royalty.
In the other redlight district of NaNa plaza, they advertise the 4 sexiest things in the world: shower shows, sexy girls, wild coyotes (WTF?!), and last but not least...Premier League football.
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| Midnight in Bangkok, waiting for the skytrain. |
Her parents, Por and I went out to lunch one day. We ate the Thai version of a traditionally Japanese (or Chinese?) dish. There was a large pot of boiling water in the center of the table. We then added various meats and vegetables and created a large soup. Then you pour yourself a bowl and eat that with noodles. Quite Tasty.
We then went to a large botanical park. Por explained to me that parks are a relatively new addition to Thailand. When her grandfather had traveled from Bangkok to London in the 1970's, he came back trying to describe parks to the locals. No one had any idea what the hell he was talking about. "Large, green places with grass, trees and water where people walk, read or hang out" made no sense to Thais whatsoever. We've slowly corrupting their innocence with parks, I hope you're happy.
Update: The creepy music video is still playing, while we're driving, so I think this must just be their version of Selena Beiber.
There is a large outdoor market by the botanical park on the weekends, Chatuchak Park market. They sell everything. It's awesome. Brand name Sunglasses, watches, electronics, exotic animals, food and clothes.
I met two Australians while at the market who seemed like bros. I'm only mentioning this because I ran into them, 2 days later, in a completely different part of town. Bangkok has about 10million people. It's just weird.
That night, Por wasn't feeling up to it, so i made my way down to the Great Muay Thai stadium of Lumphini. This is the same place were the movie Kickboxing, with Jean Claude VanDam was filmed. I got there 1 hour early and had time to grab a steak dinner ($3) and a large beer ($1). I noticed a white guy sitting alone at a table, so i sat with him.
He was Australian, and had been living in Bangkok for 6 months. I asked what he did for work, but never really got an answer. He used to be in the Australian army. We was a good guy and so we got ringside tickets together.
The first 2 fights (10 total) were crazy because the professionals fighting were not men, but 8-12 year old boys. No head protection or anything. These kids went at each other like the Israelis and Palestinians. It was bananas.
Ringside seats were filled almost exclusively by westerners. The local Thais stayed in the back and gambled on the fights. Gambling in Thailand is strictly forbidden by the king...except at Muay Thai fights. The gambling seemed like complete chaos. There was no official bookie, all bets are made between individual people, and paying up works on a code of honor. Basically there is no reason not to pay, because everyone would know and that person would be shunned from future fights. Bringa great disronor on famiry.
My drunk Australian friend was getting progressively more difficult to understand with every beer that he drank. Oh yeah, Chang beer in Thailand is 6% alcohol. In modern Bangkok, beer drink you!
The Australian explained to me that gambling was not tolerated in the ringside section, and that foreigners couldn't gamble with the locals. This theory was reinforced by all of the "no gambling" signs in the ringside section.
When he told me this, I through up my arms and told him these rules don't apply to me. When he laughed, I threw my arms in the air and yelled "WHAT'S THE MATTER THEY DON'T LIKE MONEY?! I GUESS THEY JUST DON'T LIKE MAKING MONEY!"
So I stood up, my Australian companion following me, and went up to the fence that separated the gambler peasants from the ringside tourists who paid wayyyy too much for seats.
None of them spoke English, so by pointing and hand gestures, I randomly picked one of the fighters to win the bout. Gave the guy 100 Baht and sat back down. This was conducted by the "no gambling" sign, in front of a police security guard who looked at me and smiled.
By some act of Buddha, my fighter won! The bookie came back to the fence and paid me 200 Baht. This unleashed the flood gates. I was now Muay Thai gambling expert of the ringside tourists. I quickly was approached by 2 Germans, 4 French couples, and 6 New Yorkers. They all wanted to do the same thing. So with my extensive experience dealing with Muay Thai gambling in Bangkok, I walked them through the process.
I shit you not, I won 6 fights in a row. The bookies couldn't believe it. I had about 15 of them lining up to try and take my bet. I had won nearly 1,600 Baht! The entire ringside crowd turned into a party zone. We would all blindly hoop and holler at the fighters i picked, because everyone would just copy my bets. We were Muay Thai prophets and i was their God. Nothing could stop me. We now had 20 drunk tourists betting entire months wages (Thai wages) on single fights.
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| The Australia, handing over gambling money in front of the sign that says otherwise. |
Then the shenanigans happened.
The last two fights were thrown. Here's how it worked. In a 5 round fight, you could bet at any moment, but the odds would change depending on how the fight was progressing. For the last two fights, a particular boxer would be kicking the other ones as for the first two rounds. We would then all place thousands of Baht (a months wages for locals since there was about 20 of us) on the winning fighter. Then, as soon as we placed our bet, the fighter that was getting demolished, would magically K.O. the other guy. Two fights in a row.
They were in cahoots with the fighters. There was simply too much money involved. We overloaded the system and corrupted Thai Boxing. You're welcome Thailand.
By the end of the fights, it was midnight, and my Australian friend could barely stand up. The leader of the Americans from New York, who i had been talking to most of the night said, "Damn Australians, they're all a bunch of drunken degenerates."
I have a few Australian friends, and that's just not true. But my God, was it funny.
Thais eat different things for breakfast, compared to westerners. At Por's house we usually had a sort of steamed pork or vegetable dumpling, the size of a tangerine. Then there would be some time of hot porridge made with rice, hot water and pork belly. To finish it off, a multitude of fruit was brought out: watermelon, papaya, guava and pomelo. The other stuff was a bit much for me early in the morning, so even though I ate it, I concentrated on the fruit.
Por had a 4 hour acting class on Sunday. During that time, I went around Bangkok, had some sushi, got a great deal on some headphones, and went to a movie. Why did I "waste" time going to a movie on vacation? Because in Thailand, before every show, there is a mandatory homage to the King. During this 3 or 4 minutes, everybody stands up, and the royal anthem is played. Pictures and videos from events in the King's reign are shown on screen along with the anthem. I wanted to experience it.
From what I understand, Thais love their king, almost like a religion. He is perfect in every way. He is on all their money. Thailand has very strict laws concerning free speech when it comes to the King. I think the law is called les majestre or something similar. If anyone, foreign or citizen were to disfigure or deface an image of the King, it is an automatic 15 years per offense. And his image is everywhere! On billboards, in restaurants, in homes, in taxis, EVERYWHERE. When I once asked a generic question about the king, Por's mother told me she would rather not talk about it. You cannot say anything disrespectful or even anything that could be MAYBE construed as anti-royalty. This puts politicians in a royal chokehold because those who wish to do away with les majestre, would first have to break les majestre resulting in imprisonment. Well played Broseidon King, well played.
My final night in Bangkok, I had Korean BBQ with Por and 3 of her actor friends. They were all kewl people and the food was delicious. We also had some amazing yogurt alcohol that was actually delicious. I was wary, because yogurt alcohol sounds gross, but I was very wrong. We ended the night at another of her friend's house. We watched two foreign films, talked and ate rose apples. Thailand has some krazy fruits. And lady boys.
Here are some funny signs I saw in Bangkok...
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| The sign next to the puppies says "do not finger then" |
Now I'm on my way to Sihanokville in Cambodia, and then Kho Rong island to stay in a hut on a deserted beach. I know about this hut through a guy, Kevin, I met in Austin over the 4th of July, last year. I met him through a craigslist ad that i posted, titled FREE BEER, where I was asking for someone to drive our rented pontoon boat for us, so that we wouldn't get BUIs. But that's another story altogether. It ends with me catching a duck by jumping on it from the dock. Funny h how life works.
I've only spent a half day here, but I may never leave.
It's a miniature Cambodian version of Cancun.
Grilled shrimp, steak dinner, fish dinner, scallops....in restaurants, all of it is $3-$6. And believe it or not, beer ($0.50) is cheaper than water ($0.75).
